Monday, April 24, 2006

The Torture Chamber

I'm a wimp.

I know it.

And in this case, I don't think "Knowing is Half the Battle."

I think it just makes it worse, you know, knowing....

....that I can birth kids with absolutely NO pain medication, but I cannot handle a simple toothache. Or, I should say, a phantom toothache. Because the tooth's been amputated. So all the pain is really just my mind feeling bad for the poor tooth that got disconnected from the rest of my body.

I think Alfalfa's got the right idea.....give me some ice and gauze or something....

It's definately better than whoever came up with THIS:



Cocaine???

For a toothache???

Someone's been smoking something...

Excuse me, but I think I'll stick to my Lortab.

At least it's LEGAL!

***

As I once told you, I hate having anything done in my mouth, but alas, I needed to be a grownup about the whole thing. So I went. I mean, we finally have dental insurance. Might as well use it.

Didn't help that it was an hour and a half until they called me into a treament room. If they had been a minute or two later, I was outta there, man. And I would've had a decent excuse and everything. If it wasn't for the really interesting book I was absorbed in (uninterrupted reading time.....rare), I think I really would've left. But the opportunity came and went. I was stuck there.

What I was having done was this: Out of my four wisdom teeth (which came in perfectly fine, by the way--no impactions here), one had a really bad cavity and the other three each had a smaller, more manageable cavity. I've known since I was a kid that this scenario was going to come up. My x-rays showed that I had room for the teeth, but since they are so far back in my jaw, my childhood dentist told me that I would probably have to have them taken out, due to decay. There was just no way to get a toothbrush back there to get them good 'n' clean. He was right. And now here I was, in the torture chamber, awaiting my turn.

I am not exaggerating.

It was AWFUL.

For starters, I did not go to an oral surgeon to have the one really bad one extracted. I simply went to my normal dentist. It was only one tooth, right? Why get knocked out for one tooth? Yeah, that was Mistake #1. Then her hygenist asked me if I wanted the gas. I'd had it before, and it seemed all-but-useless to me. Besides, I was quite surprised at how calm I felt. So I passed it up. Mistake #2.

So she numbed me up, and that wasn't so bad. They don't just stick the needle in there cold turkey, they give you a topical numbing agent first. Which is great. Have you ever seen the SIZE of those needles??? Flat out HUGE. Gotta remind myself not to look at the thing. But at least I can't feel it. I'm good. Just slightly tense. I can feel myself rising up to brace for the pain. Which, thankfully didn't come. Phew.

BUT. (There's always a but....)

It didn't work. She had to numb me up at least 4 more times. And not every place she stuck that thing was numb. "Just a little pinch" she says.....HA.....little pinch my nostril. That stinker HURT. Ungg Ungg! was all I could say too. I tell ya, dentists are simply military interrogators that couldn't handle the screaming, so they got another job that inflicts pain. Only the patients can't say SQUAT. How convenient.

Once she finally got the right side of my face neurologically disconnected, she started the extracting. Her assistant hands her these mahonsious pliers and she just goes at it.

Crunch! Eeerrrrrkkk! Crick! Crunch!

It's sounds like rice cripsies on steroids.

(Yeah, not pleasent in real life either.)

But it's not working. She's not getting it out. By this time, every muscle in my body in tense and on high alert; my back is practically off the seat and my head is slamming against the headrest, trying desperately to get away.

I can tell this is a doozy for her. She's got her glasses off now. Asking for yet a BIGGER set of pliers. Is that beads of sweat on her brow? She stands up.

She's standing up, by jolly!! All engines full power!!

LORD, HELLLLLLPPP MEEEE!!! KNOCK ME OUT OR SOMETHING!!!

When she finally, finally, FINALLY pulls the thing out, we're both a mess. I am visibly shaking, and she is catching her breath. She goes, "O-kkkkkk. Well! Are you alright?"

Yeah, I'm JUSTTTT fine.

Did I say how much I HATE going to the dentist?

And, lucky me, I gotta go back to have the others filled. Oh joy.

Perhaps I won't bring a good book this time

6 comments:

Sister Katie said...

ooooohhhh man sistah
you should have come and talked with me first. When I was the ripe old age of 25 I had all four of mine extracted. The only way to go is 1.the shot to calm and 2.the blessed IV. In a matter of moments I was gone into a sweet restful sleep. Seriously, the world could have ended and I would not have had any idea. There was pain when I woke up but after one has four large molars quarteded AND pulled what could I expect! I moaned and groaned but then enjoyed (with no guilt) chocolate peanut butter and banana milkshakes for a couple of days, yummy, but remember hold the straw ;)
love you

JeniBeans said...

OOOH< I SO know how you feel! I have been in that same dental chair before with the same series of unfortunate events taking place. Just knowing that they are yanking (or TRYING to yank) something out of your head.... puts a bit of sickness in my belly. I'd rather go through childbirth ANYTIME, sister, as to have that done again!

J. No said...

I wonder if the fact that one of my wisdom teeth came in upside is a problem?

Megan said...

Horrific. I still have mine. After your story, I'm hoping the dentist doesn't realize mine are still there/doesn't care.

Secondary infections from dental abscesses begone! I'm keeping the wisdom teeth!

pushypaws said...

Ahhhh ... such fond memories! We were young (only Chris was around then) and had no money and no insurance. I was on a waiting list for financial aid at the local clinic. There was lots of pain, the gas didn't touch the pain, although it did make me not care at the time ... mmmmm ... did I mention that I had a reaction to the pain meds and then spent the day throwing up everything for the next 24 hours or so. This just added insult to injury. Not one of my better experiences :)

I am a Milliner's Dream, a woman of many "hats"... said...

Discovered a few years ago that my Mom had had "Twilight Sleep" when in labor to give birth to me. That's a derivative of cocaine...so when she thought she heard a cat in the delivery room--and the doc assured her it was me, her new baby--it all makes sense!

Hh

P.S. Found you via a comment at Kim's new Emergiblog.

:)