Wednesday, April 19, 2006

If I Had, I'd Have An Excuse

Went to Walmart for my bi-monthly romp this morning. Yes, I truly only go 2 times a month as a rule. I HATE going grocery shopping....I positively dread it (similar to visiting the dentist and having teeth drilled, as I will tomorrow, errrr), so I avoid having to do it within all reasonable limits. 2 weeks seems to be the longest I can hold off.

As it is, 2 weeks worth of groceries for a family of 7 take up 2 entire carts (or "buggy" for my Southern friends), full and practically overflowing. Now, remember, Walmart doesn't just sell food in these parts. I can buy jumper cables, underwear, a new plant, and brownie mix all in the same stop. And I do. All products, all the time. Love the Supercenter; "Mom and Pop Shop" eating monster that it is.

Back in the day, when I only had 3 or maybe 4 little ankle biters, I tried shopping for a whole month. Glorious idea! A whole 3+ weeks to enjoy not thinking about shopping. Pure bliss!

Unfortunately, my refrigerator categorically refused to hold all that substance. I won't even begin to recount the details of getting all the food in there. Small children read this blog. It's simply too horrific to share.

Not to mention the copious amount of vegetables, meat, and dairy that don't like to sit around for 3 weeks until they're consumed. I probably wasted 1-2 weeks worth of food because it went bad.

An expensive lesson learned, I dare say.


So about today....

Was at Walmart and finished paying for my stuff (Only one cart this time! HooAhh!), and trucked it out to the van.

Now comes the delicate part. Anyone who has more than 3 kids knows that there's a very special skill needed to balance all those bags in the back of a minivan. Some go to school for it, others are born with it, but either way, this talent must be honed often in order to keep "the touch". Every two weeks seems to keep me in tip top condition.

For example, one cannot place bags of lettuce, tomatoes, and bananas, under bags holding can goods. We all understand this. BUT, what do you do when you have bags with cans AND bread? Or milk AND chips? The rules change, and that's when you need to leave this kind of balancing act to the pros.

So I had it all JUST RIGHT. Everything seemed to be ok, nothing getting squashed. Nothing shifted. Good, good. But then I saw it: the case of Dr. Pepper. 24 cans of pure squish. Should've been first to go in. Now it was last. Stink.

I figured out that if I sat it up the long way, it would fit, right next to the hatch. It was gonna be close. If I juuuuuuust inch it a little this way, it'll probably clear and the door will close.....


Didn't realize it until I was ready to put the key in the ignition. Wha? A door's open? Hmmmm, must be the trunk....

So I get out of the driver's seat, and go to the back of the van and open the door. Yup, it opened way to easily. So I rearrange the box---just the teensiest bit---to get the door to close. SLAM! Now that should do it. Go back to the driver's side, where I can see the dash from the open door.

A door's STILL open! Argggghhhh.

Go back to the trunk, open it, rearrange the box a third time. SLAM! All seams are flush. This looks good....

That "open door" light is still on! I can tell when I get to the driver's side and look in through....

....the open door.

The driver's side door had been open the whole time.

It wasn't the trunk at all. Argh.

And, No, I've never been blond.


Jonathan Cornwell said...


Rachel said...

I just love your posts. This is too funny (and typical) for a mom trying to get the heck outta walmart

JSmith5780 said...

Been there, done that...but luckily I can just blame my blonde hair :)


Amie said...

Hi, I followed you here from Neonatal doc's blog. I am another mom who loves to read medical blogs/books too.

JeniBeans said...

sounds totally like something I would do myself. hahaha.

J. No said...

Kelly!! Anybody but you!! I think the shock I am experiencing at this moment rivals that of one who picks up his glass of whole milk (Purity of course) to take a drink only to realize it is buttermilk after a gigantic gulp.

Adventures In Babywearing said...

Sounds like something I do more often than not! I am not blonde either!